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Helping Kids Deal with Bullies

What is bullying?

Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion and can include verbal harassment or threats; physical assault or abuse; and intimidation. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults or authorities about bullying because they are embarrassed and ashamed. Sometimes kids worry that their parents, teachers, coaches or guardians will be disappointed in them or think less of them.

Forms of Bullying

Bullying can be a real nightmare for kids and can reveal itself in many forms:

• • Teasing that turns hurtful, unkind and constant
  • Name-calling, spreading rumors or intentionally hurting someone’s feelings
  • Shoving, pushing or actual assaults
  • Stealing, causing property damage
  • Posting mean or degrading messages or untruths on social networking sites, chat rooms or via text messages

Identifying Factors – Bullying

As a parent, you may notice differences in your child in which you should pay attention.  Here are a few:

• • Anxiety – not sleeping or eating well
  • Decline in grades
  • Lunch money vanishing
  • No longer wanting to do things that he/she usually enjoys
  • Coming home repeatedly with unexplained bruises or cuts
  • Avoiding certain situations like taking the school bus or participating in after school activities
  • Coming up with new excuses not to go to school

What do I do if I think my child is being bullied?

• • If you suspect that your child might be the victim of bullying, look for opportunities to discuss the issue. Teach your child that it is important to talk about bullying. Children need adult guidance, but most often do not want to ask for it. Be proactive. Make sure your child knows that he/she should share what is happening to them with a trusted adult, teacher, school counselor, grandparent or relative if you are unavailable.
  • When your child comes to you saying that he/she has been the victim of bullying, remain calm. Fight the urge to jump into action. Contain your anger. Listen and be fully engaged with your child and their story. Don’t interrupt or offer your opinion. Once your child has finished describing the bullying incident (s), ask open-ended questions that may help fill in any missing details.
  • It is imperative that you as a parent contain your emotions before jumping in to resolve a bullying situation. Always model appropriate behavior for our children.

Three things that you can do regarding bullying:

1. 1. Take bullying seriously. This is not a phase that your child is going through. Offer support to your child regardless of age. This may be the most difficult issue that they have ever dealt with.
   2. Bullies rarely pick on a confident child – they almost always choose someone who is vulnerable or lacks confidence. Consider enrolling your child into a physical improvement or sports program that instills confidence.
   3. Teach your child how to respond to a bully by not visibly showing any indication that he or she is upset. Remain calm.

Taking Action

As a parent or parental guardian, teacher, etc., document any action that you take. Keep detailed notes on what your child tells you and enter every event with dates. Note websites, social media communications by address, date and time of communications between the bully and your child. This documentation will make it easier to calmly explain the situation to school authorities, provide evidence of bullying, or to file a legal complaint with police should the situation continue to escalate. Depending on the seriousness of the bullying, your best action as a parent is to coach your child about how to handle a bully himself or herself.

Three things to teach your child

1. 1. Teach your child to be confident, and to visibly ignore the bully’s hurtful remarks. However, take all bullying seriously and report it to you as a parent and to school officials if at school. Explain that it is the bully’s intent to use power over your child and that this is not acceptable.
   2. Explain to your child that he/she has the right not to be bullied, harassed or abused. Bullying can undermine anyone’s confidence and sense of well-being regardless of age. The failure to learn how to deal with bullying can result in susceptibility to physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence and even suicide. When bullied, a person’s self-worth is challenged to the core, and the earlier you can intervene and help, the better off the bullied victim will be.
   3. Give your children permission to protect themselves! It is dangerous to allow a child to think that someone else has power over them and that someone has the right to touch them, push them, harass them, bully them or violate them in any way. Kids need to know they have the right to stand up for themselves and live a full, happy life.

Remember

1. 1. Bullying should be an on-going conversation that is fully documented and reported to parents, school officials and even law enforcement authorities when bullying escalates and when is consistent.
   2. Give your child the confidence to stand up to a bully. Bullying is never okay!
   3. Unfortunately, bullying does not end on school grounds. Recognize that bullying also occurs in the workplace and should be dealt with in a swift manner before violence escalates.

For more information about securing your school, training parents and staff, and ensuring that you’ve covered all security bases, contact Rampart Group at [email protected] or call us at 1-877-871-4827.

Kathy Leodler Chief Executive Officer Email:[email protected] Phone: (360) 981-2703 PI License #3555

Paul Leodler Executive Vice President Email:[email protected] Phone: (360) 981-3397 PI License #4180

We at Rampart Group are committed to your security. Call 1-800 421-0614 or contact us today with your security or investigative needs.